“So, you found somebody special, again, huh Angela?”

“Yes Mother, I've found somebody special, again.”

“So, this is the longest time you’ve been between men now isn’t it. What's it been, six months or so? “No Mother, it's been over a year.”

“Well thank the marital gods you’ve finally found somebody. It’s about time you settled down, got married, and had a child.”

 

“Here we go again. It’s the same old song and dance isn’t it Mother. This isn’t about me. It’s never been about me. It’s always been about you, hasn’t it. You wanting a grandchild from me.”

“Well Angela you’ve had two failed marriages and two failed live in relationships. Why couldn’t you be more like your sister?”

“You mean like get married, have three kids, and stay married to an abusive husband for the sake of the children.”

 

Her mother had no comeback for the truth. So, she avoided it and plowed on.

“What’s this one named?”

“Named? He has a name Mother. It’s Peter.”

“When will I meet this ‘Peter’ person?”

“Right now.”

 

“Well, where is he? In the bedroom?”

“Yes Mother, as a matter of fact he is in the bedroom. I’ll go get him for you.”

 

She left before her mother could ask why he was still in the bedroom at ten o’clock in the morning. Angela came back cradling Peter in her arms as the two of them rubbed noses and he licked her face.

“This is Peter Mother. Isn’t he adorable?”

“He’s a dog.”

“Yes Mother, he's a dog.”

“Where’d you get him?”

“I saw him in the pet store window and fell in love with him. I just had to have him.”

“You mean like you just had to have what’s his name, Live in Number One. What breed is he anyway?”

       

“They didn’t know. Part this, part that, they said. But I’m going to get me one of them there new DNA tests they got for dogs now like they got for humans and find out what breeds he is. As soon as I can save up the money. Of course, someone could give me an early Christmas present and get it for me since Christmas is only a month away.”

 

“How about a sweater instead?”

“Oh, that would be great. Peter would love a sweater. It’s getting cold out now that it’s November.”

“No, I meant a sweater for you.”

“Oh.”

“How long have you had him?”

“About a month now. He’s just a puppy.” She snuggled Peter closer to her breasts, wiped his nose with her blouse, and began talking to him in baby talk. Peter responded yipping back in doggy baby talk.

 

Her mother rolled her eyes.

“Peter got sick right after I got him. I had to take him to the vet but he’s okay now. He had to stay there at the vet’s for a couple of days to make sure the medicine worked and the shots took hold.

 

“How much did that cost you?”

“Never you mind. I worked out a payment plan with the vet and I got pet insurance for him now too. It’s a little expensive but I can afford it.”

“So having a dog is kind of expensive, is it?”

“It’s cheaper than having a kid. Look Mother, everybody's got a dog today. They’re in all the TV commercials.”

 

“You mean like that one where you keep your dog food in the refrigerator with your people food commercial. That commercial?”

“No Mother any commercial. A dog in a commercial always helps sell whatever it is they’re selling. Those TV ad executives know what they’re doing. They've scientifically researched it. They’ve done their homework. That’s why you see dogs in commercials. People love dogs. People will buy things from other people who love dogs just like they do and who treat their dogs as part of their family.”

 

“Is he house broken yet?”

“No Mother but I’m working on it.”

“Hope you have better luck than you did with what’s his name Husband Number Two who always got drunk and peed all over your bathroom floor.”

“I rub his nose in it and then take him outside so he can see other dogs using a fire hydrant. I also take him to the dog park so he can socialize with other dogs and enjoy his dog heritage. He can’t be around me all the time. He needs to be with his own kind every now and then.”

 

“Well heaven forbid that he should become human now. How much did the pooper scooper and all the doggie bags cost you?

“They’re cheaper than diapers Mother.”

 

Peter kept squirming in her arms all excited like, trying to get loose. So, she set him down and he ran over to a big wooden box in the corner with his name carved on it that said Peter's Toy Box.

“He wants his toys.”

 

Angela went over to him. They started talking to each other in doggy talk as she raised the heavy wooden lid and started throwing out toys, balls, rubberized animals, miscellaneous unidentifiable objects while all the time Peter went about sinking his teeth into each and every one of them, growling, and shaking his head side to side while he finished off his victim.

 

“You got a toy box for him. Why didn’t you say something? I still got your old toy box up in the attic. You could have used it.”

“Mother, that's got my name on it. Peter deserves his own toy box with his own name on it. I’m not going to hand my things down to him like you used to palm off all my sister's old stuff on me.”

 

“I bet those toys cost you a lot of money.”

“So do kid’s toys Mother.”

“What did the box cost you?”

“The pet store makes them and customizes them for you with your dog’s name on it. It wasn’t all that much.”

“Yeah right. So why was he in the bedroom anyway?”

“He was sleeping Mother. That’s what bedrooms are for.”

“Among other things. So, I take it you sleep with him, correct?”

“Yes, he keeps me warm at night.”

"Well don’t be bringing me home any puppies now you hear me. I want a grandchild not a cross breed.”

     

“Jesus Mother. You’re sick.”

“No Angela, you're the one that’s sick. You haven’t exactly been an angel all your life now have you and now you’re treating a mutt dog as if he were a real human being. That’s a little over the top if you ask me. I take it you fix his dinner for him and have him sit at the table and eat with you too, right?”

 

“No Mother I set a bowl on the floor and sit down beside him and eat my meal.”

“You mean have a bowl of dog food too?”

“It’s not that bad. It really isn’t.”

 

“I’m leaving now Angela. I’ll be back when you get rid of him.”

“Why would I get rid of him? I love him.”

“You got rid of four men who you supposedly loved didn't you or did you forget that already? Well at least with this one you won’t have the expense of a divorce. You can just have the vet put him to sleep when you get tired of him.”

 

“Goodbye Mother.”

“Goodbye Angela.”